At their core, “top,” “bottom,” and “vers” are terms used to describe a person’s preferences in bed as it pertains to sexual positions and/or power dynamics. Nomenclature for the power dynamics of same-sex intercourse has roots as far back as Ancient Greece, but the terms “top” and “bottom” only emerged in the last 70 years after the advent of the gay leather scene in the 1950s.
If you’re outside the community looking in, or if you’re just getting your steps as a queer person and you’re looking for answers, you’ve come to the right place. This is our definitive guide to terms that have become monocultural — so much so that they have translations in many languages. What might feel like basic information to some is new to others, so welcome. This is what your friend means when they say their cat has “bottom energy.”
As the terms have expanded and spawned their own variations, they have in many ways grown to allow more wiggle room for gender, orientation, personalization, and humor. According to some historic theories, the queer community latched onto “top” and “bottom” as sexual descriptors with greater popularity in the 1960s and ‘70s, as they developed codes like flagging to highlight their sexual preferences to any interested parties. This was around the same time that “vers” became part of the queer lexicon.
The most rudimentary definition: a top prefers to be in control, often interpreted as preferring to penetrate, while a bottom wants to relinquish some level of control, often interpreted as wanting to be penetrated. Someone who is vers usually finds both positions and power dynamics equally exciting. Of course, this is an oversimplified explanation of an increasingly nuanced framework for sexual preferences, as every person has their own boundaries, even if they share an identity.
Despite what some may think, top, bottom, and vers are not terms exclusively for gay men, but descriptors that can be used for any sexual relationship — even cishet men get the strap sometimes. Many folks top and bottom without penetration, and no categorization or term is ever all-encompassing.
“I encourage people to define what these terms mean for themselves personally so that they can more specifically communicate needs and wants to a partner, since no one's a mind reader,” Spectrum Boutique founder Zoe Ligon tells Them. “These terms are great jumping-off points for discussion, but you can't really make any assumptions about what these terms mean to someone unless you ask.”
Ultimately, top, bottom, and vers are on a spectrum that looks different for everyone. If you don’t feel like any of these labels fit you, don’t feel like you have to squeeze yourself into any of them to have fulfilling sex.
“Do not get so attached to a title or a label. You do not have to have one, so take some pressure off yourself,” Jimanekia Eborn, a trauma specialist and sexuality educator, tells Them. “They can be when you are expressing how you may show up in sexual activity. But, if none of those feel good for you, you don’t have to use them.”
With all that out of the way, here is a basic rundown of what it means to top, bottom, and vers.
Click here to jump to a section: What is a top?, What is a bottom?, What is vers?
What is a top?
A top is often understood as the penetrative partner, or as someone who wants to be in control during sex, though there is also such a thing as submissive tops (more on that in a moment).
According to Carly S., a pleasure educator at the sex toy provider Spectrum Boutique, topping can take a variety of forms, but it can include fingering, giving or receiving oral, penetrating with a penis or strap, or other acts in which a top is in control of their partner’s pleasure.
Here's how to top your partner safely, consensually, and sensually.
Though despite its association with penetration, “being a top doesn't necessarily refer to the mechanics of how someone has sex, but the power dynamic where one person is taking the lead, or is more in control of what activities you're going to participate in,” they tell Them.
While the idea that tops are in control during sex is helpful for a general understanding, Ligon explains that standard definitions of topping are insufficient to capture nuanced sexual identities.
Such definitions, she says, “lack all the nuance of a ‘power bottom,’ for instance, who is receiving sexual acts but is in control, or a ‘service top,’ who performs the acts but is receiving commands,” she told Them. “Sometimes there is no ‘power exchange’ at all, just sex, or sometimes there is no sex act and just power exchange.”
Ultimately, topping is a spectrum that includes a wide range of sexual identities. For example, stone tops are usually tops who want to do all the touching and do not want any reciprocal sexual activities. Or femme tops, who are often self-identified tops with a feminine presentation or demeanor some might feel is in contrast to topping (though it probably shouldn’t be). No matter what your partner’s position preference is, as always, it’s important to talk about your preferences before sex for maximum mutual pleasure.
How to top during sex
The best takeaway here is that there is no right way to top during sex, and you can find more in Them’s larger guide on topping. Everybody has different preferences, and the most helpful thing you can do is communicate with your partner. If you want to take control during sex, it's ideal that you discuss a power dynamic preference with your partner ahead of time.
It’s time to drink some hot cider, sport your best leather jacket, and find yourself a vers bottom to celebrate.
It’s also important to check in with your partner during sex if your partner shows any signs of pain, discomfort, or hesitation. Penetration can be uncomfortable and everyone has different boundaries. Take things slow and respect everyone’s individual capacity for pain, relaxation, and comfort while they bottom.
“Just saying ‘I'm a top’ does not provide enough information to really know someone's sexual likes and dislikes unless you ask them more about it, and that is the secret to good sex. Talking about it,” Ligon said. This is in direct opposition to many in what we might call “Grindr culture” who often assert on dating apps that “I’m a top” or “I’m a bottom” is sufficient enough information to have sex.
Another thing to keep in mind is that there are an infinite number of ways to top. Performance anxiety is perfectly natural, but keep in mind having a dick, getting hard, or being dominant are not required to top.
Then what does ‘top energy’ mean?
People love to say something or someone has “top energy,” but what does that actually mean? People tend to say folks who have top energy are loud, confident, or dominant. Sometimes it has little to do with your actions and is a judgment made solely on your appearance. Other times, this is said just for comedic value, like if someone says that an inanimate object or celebrity has “top energy.” But just because you’re an intense person who gives a certain commanding vibe doesn’t mean that’s what you like in bed. Plenty of people who have top energy actually love to relinquish control in their sex lives and bottom.
That’s why it’s important not to judge a book by its cover. Just because that hot butch in the club has intense top energy doesn’t mean they’ll want to top you later.
What is a bottom?
Conversely, a bottom is somebody who often, but not always, wants to give away control during sex. Bottoms are often on the receiving end of sex, as opposed to the penetrative partner. This is a pretty generic description, and there’s been a longstanding online debate about whether something like giving head, for example, would be considered topping or bottoming.
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“When thinking about a bottom, what comes to me is more someone that wants to be directed and/or submissive,” Eborn says.
However, Carly S. caveats that some bottoms can still be assertive and in control during sex.
As with topping, bottoming exists on a spectrum. Where power bottoms like to tell their partners what to do during sex, there are also bratty bottoms who like to belittle and demean their tops during sex by teasing or demanding things from them. Other subcategories of bottoming include stone bottoms, or pillow princesses, who usually only want to be on the receiving end during sex, and might make little effort on their end to reciprocate.
As always, however, communication is key regardless of a person’s sexual identity, and figuring out exactly what your partner does or doesn’t like during sex, regardless of how they identify, will ensure that everyone has an enjoyable time in bed.
How to bottom during sex
According to Ligon, as with all types of sex, communicating with your partner both ahead of time and during is essential. Make sure you’ve set any necessary boundaries and told your partner what you enjoy, and keep them updated. You don’t need to be in control to make sure you are comfortable and enjoying the experience.
Plus, insight on the “bottom diet," how long douching should take, and why you shouldn't do it in a bathtub.
If you aren’t sure about what boundaries you have during sex, Carly suggests exploring what feels good to you through masturbation. Penetration can be painful at first, so if it’s something you want to try as a bottom, testing out sex toys or anal trainers ahead of time can be helpful.
If you’re having anal sex, Them has a guide for that, but it might be helpful to give your partner a heads up setting expectations about whether or not you’re going to douche. This is not your responsibility, but it is in the interest of both of your comfort levels to clarify what might feel to some like a douching requirement. (E.g. “Hey FYI, I had a double cheeseburger today, it’s a no-go,” or whatever variation.)
If it’s your first time, “Explore on your own first, if that's with toys or fingers, or just reading books about how to safely play,” Carly said. “Going into an experience with some knowledge will have you feeling more confident and able to better verbalize your boundaries and wants/needs.”
Then what does ‘bottom energy’ mean?
People love to throw around the phrase “bottom energy” to describe any number of personality traits: being shy, being conflict avoidant, not knowing how to drive, or even leaving your house regularly with less than 10% battery left on your phone. It’s one of the most classic queer memes out there, and we’d advise putting little weight or seriousness on the literality of these jokes.
Because people who actually bottom in bed come in all personality types, someone saying you have “bottom energy” is entirely subjective. Bottoms can be assertive, tall, dominant personality types who happen to love relinquishing control in bed. They can have fully charged phones and drivers licenses. So even if someone says you have bottom energy, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bottom.
What is vers? What is a switch?
A switch, or vers, is usually someone who enjoys both topping and bottoming. Someone who is vers might also like specific parts of topping and specific parts of bottoming, but not want to take a full on top or bottom role. Some people are “vers tops” or “vers bottoms” because they are open to both, but have a preference toward one or the other. Some people are “vers” because they don’t want to admit they’re a bottom, but we don’t have time to get into that today.
“A vers is a person who can switch between both roles because they are versatile,” Shanae Adams, a sexuality professional and educator with a M.A. in Clinical Counseling, tells Them. “Verses switch based on the activity, the partner, the day of the week, the color of their panties. They may be motivated to provide the most pleasurable experience for themselves and their partner(s).”
While many use the term switch interchangeably with vers, it can have a more specific meaning for those with more intentional power dynamics built into sex, sometimes in the context of a sub/dom relationship. “Switch” as a term has its origins in BDSM communities and is anecdotally more popular among lesbians and trans folks than vers because it can refer to people of all genders, while vers historically has more claim by gay men. Both terms have become more expansive as the language around queer sex positions has become broader and fluid, so it’s up to you to decide which term resonates best.
How to switch during sex
Adams recommends thinking about how you embody top and bottom energy outside of the bedroom and bringing that to the table when switching.
“If you aspire to be a top, and the most dominant thing you do is order Starbucks, bring that energy to the bedroom. Talk to your partner about giving orders or being told what to do. If you aspire to be submissive and love how it feels to focus on others and not yourself, bring that energy to the bedroom. Make your partner your focus,” Adams says.
Fluidity and communication are key to embracing your versatility during sex, according to Carly S.
“Be flexible and open depending on how you're feeling and how the dynamic is with the other person,” Carly says.
How do I make my sexual preferences clear to possible partners?
Often, you’ll find people on dating and hookup apps like Grindr, Sniffies, or even Lex advertising their sexual positions and preferences in their bios, like “Top looking for a bottom” or, more commonly to those lamenting about the top shortage, “bottom seeking top.” If position preference is important to you, you can always clarify what exactly a prospective hook up is looking for by messaging them about it before meeting up.
Starting as a way to subvert homophobic sodomy laws, flagging remains an important part of queer spaces today.
Another one of the most straight-forward ways to let people know exactly what you’re into before getting down to business is being direct about what you want and asking them what they like. As we’ve established above, just because someone may seem like a bottom or top doesn’t mean they’ll want that later in the night. It’s important to establish clear communication, boundaries, and consent before you get to bed.
If you’re someone who likes to let anything but their words do the talking in terms of preference, there definitely are creative ways to get your preferences across. Queer folks have a long, established history of using secret codes to cruise in plain sight. The most classic example of this is the hanky code, in which queer people use different color hankies to tell you what they’re into and if they’re the one topping or bottoming during said acts. So, if you want to tell your crushes you’re a total top in a retro way, hook your carabiner of keys on your left side.
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